PETA is sending President Barack Obama a Katcha Bug Humane Bug Catcher, a device that allows users to trap a house fly and then release it outside.

“We support compassion even for the most curious, smallest and least sympathetic animals,” PETA spokesman Bruce Friedrich said Wednesday. “We believe that people, where they can be compassionate, should be, for all animals.”

During an interview for CNBC at the White House on Tuesday, a fly intruded on Obama’s conversation with correspondent John Harwood.

“Get out of here,” the president told the pesky insect. When it didn’t, he waited for the fly to settle, put his hand up and then smacked it dead.

“Now, where were we?” Obama asked Harwood. Then he added: “That was pretty impressive, wasn’t it? I got the sucker.”

Friedrich said that PETA was pleased with Obama’s voting record in the Senate on behalf of animal rights and noted that he has been outspoken against animal abuses.

Still, “swatting a fly on TV indicates he’s not perfect,” Friedrich said, “and we’re happy to say that we wish he hadn’t.”

Deputy press secretary Josh Earnest said the White House has no comment on the matter.

She said, “I’m Mother Nature! Do you know how long it took me to make those buttercups? Just for doing what you’ve done, you won’t have any butter for your popcorn for the rest of your life. Better still, you won’t have any butter for your toast for the rest of your life. As a matter of fact, you’ll never have any butter for anything for the rest of your life!”

And then, as quickly as she had materialized, she was gone.

After Dave recovered from the shock – and his bad lie -he hollered for his friend, “Fred, where are you?”

Fred shouted back, “I’m over here in the damned pussy willows.”

And Dave replied, “DON’T SWING, Fred! For the love of God, DON’T SWING!

One year Esther and Morris went to the fair, and Morris said, “Esther, I’m 85 years old. If I don’t ride in that helicopter, I might never get another chance.”

To this Esther replied, “Morris, that helicopter ride is fifty dollars, and fifty dollars is fifty dollars.”

The pilot overheard the couple and said, “Folks, I’ll make you a deal. I’ll take both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say a word, I won’t charge you. But if you say one word, it’s fifty dollars.”

Morris and Esther agreed and up they went. The pilot did all kinds of fancy maneuvers, but not a word was heard. He did his daredevil tricks over and over again, but still not a word. When they landed, the pilot turned to Morris and said, “By golly, I did everything I could to get you guys to yell out, but you didn’t. I’m impressed!”

Morris replied, “Well, to tell you the truth, I almost said something when Esther fell out, but you know, fifty dollars is fifty dollars.”

Again, when the center ring is illuminated, there stand the table and the old cowboy. But this time, instead of walnuts, three coconuts are placed on the table. The old guy stands before them, then suddenly unzips his fly, whips it out, and smashes the coconuts with three amazing swings. The crowd goes wild! Flabbergasted, the salesman requests a meeting with him after the show. “You’re incredible,” he tells the Texan. “But I have to know something. You’re older now, so why in the world would you switch from walnuts to coconuts?”

“Well,” says the old cowboy, “my eyes ain’t what they used to be.”

He got down on one knee and inspected the elephant’s foot and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it.

As carefully and as gently as he could, Membe worked the wood out with his hunting knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot.

The elephant turned to face the man, and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments.

Membe stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled. Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away.

Membe never forgot that elephant or the events of that day. Twenty years later, Membe was walking through the Chicago Zoo with his teenaged son.

As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to near where Membe and his son Tapu were standing.

The large bull elephant stared at Membe, lifted its left front foot off the ground, then put it down. The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man.

Remembering the encounter in 1986, Membe couldn’t help wondering if this was the same elephant.

Membe summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder. The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Membe’s legs and slammed him against the railing, killing him instantly.

Probably wasn’t the same elephant.

Managing not to yell, he got up, pulled down his pants, and looked in the hall mirror to see that his butt cheeks were cut and bleeding. He managed to quietly find a box of Band-Aids and began putting a Band-Aid as best he could on each place he saw blood.

He then hid the now almost empty Band-Aid box and shuffled and stumbled his way to bed. In the morning, he woke up with searing pain in both his head and butt and his wife staring at him from across the room.

“You were drunk again last night weren’t you?”

“Why do you say such a mean thing?”

“Well, it could be the open front door; it could be the broken glass at the bottom of the stairs; it could be the drops of blood trailing through the house; it could be your bloodshot eyes. But mostly it’s all those Band-Aids stuck on the hall mirror.”

The hired hand readily agreed and that Saturday night went into town for some fun.

He returned around 2:30 am, and upon entering the house, he was surprised to find the widow still up, sitting by the fireplace with a glass of wine, waiting for him.

She quietly called him over to her. “Unbutton my blouse and remove it,” she said. Trembling, he did as she directed.

“Now take off my boots.” He did as she asked, ever so slowly.

“Now take off my socks.” He removed each one gently and placed them neatly by her boots.

“Now take off my skirt.” He slowly unbuttoned it, watching her eyes in the dancing firelight.

“Now take off my bra.” Again, with trembling hands he did as he was told and dropped it to the floor.

Then she looked at him and said, “Now…if you ever wear my clothes into town again, you’re fired.”

“One Cent?” the man thought.

He glanced at the menu and asked, “How much for a nice juicy steak and a bottle of wine?”

“A nickel,” the barman replied.

“A nickel?” exclaimed the man, “Where’s the guy who owns this place?”

The bartender replied, “Upstairs, with my wife.”

The man asked, “What’s he doing upstairs with your wife?”

The bartender replied, “The same thing I’m doing to his business down here.”

Donnie said, “Okay – I’m pretty good at that sensitive stuff. I’ll do it.”

Two hours later, he came back carrying a case of Budweiser.

Ronnie asked, “Where’d you get the beer, Donnie?”

“Cooter’s wife gave it to me,” Donnie replied.

“That’s unbelievable! You told her her husband was dead and she gave you beer?”

“Well, not exactly. When she answered the door, I said to her, ‘You must be Cooter’s widow.’”

She said, “I ain’t no widow.”

Then I said, “I’ll bet you a case of Bud you are.”

You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but cannot go back down except to exit the building!

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

Floor 1 – These men Have Jobs.

She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 2 – These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.

“That’s nice,” she thinks, “but I want more.”

So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:

Floor 3 – These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking.

“Wow,” she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 4 – These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework.

“Oh, mercy me!” she exclaims, “I can hardly stand it!”

Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 5 – These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop- dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 6 – You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.

To avoid gender bias charges, the store’s owner opened a New Wives store just across the street.

The first floor has wives that love sex.

The second floor has wives that love sex and have money and like beer.

The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited.